just talk yourself up, then tear yourself down

Current mood: discontent

god that should be my life motto.why do i do these things to myself? we all have a hell and everyday gets worse. mine comes in the form of mirrors and makeup. vanity is a sin and i am going straight to hell. i refuse to leave the house without smearing makeup on and still i refuse somedays. fat is in the eye of the beholder until it becomes obvious.why pay gym dues and see at home? i don't blame you for being you but i blame me for being me and you cant blame me for hating myself. catch that?

how can i love so deeply, but still feel so lost. my world is so close, why do i feel so far away. am i still there below the excess baggage? when did i become to lazy to punctuate or pause to consider what i write?
happiness is an allusion. lol did i get that right. sure. no illusion here. we all want to be someone else. dont kid yourself.