“50 years from now don’t you want to look back at your life and be able to say that you had the guts to get in the car?”

Current mood: open (eyed/minded/hearted/etc (you tell me)

stare out with blue-eyed wonder through wide-eyed browns.

build myself up just so you can tear me back down. building up stars. how much punishment can you take. idols in the eyes that glaze themselves over. need assistance call you mother. this is no place for kids or nice girls. we're here for the pain. the pleasure can wait.

fireworks and lights. liquor and lust.

ashes to ashes and dust to dust

Split-personality and I am forgetful of who to trust.

Current mood: contemplative


Snuggle up to my shoulder, Cast a shadow on me. I’m never good enough it seems. The space I occupy grows smaller every day. My words don’t matter anyway. Sacrifice the goals I have. Bring a smile to your face. This is never fair and I can never walk away. Crawling toward a goal. Flying farther away. My skin consumes any flicker of life I still retain. My back is aching from my not so selfless game and all the things you said that I never even read. Happiness is the person that exists only in my head.

Current mood: hungry (but not for what you’d think).


It is slightly before bedtime.
I am naked and staring into the full-length (which really shouldn't be constituted as full-length, for my form is always chopped off at the knees) mirror.

I stand.
I strike a pose.

My ruben-esque figure stares back at me (I refuse to say that other word).

I am so much more ALIVE than the (you know what) girl that I see-

I just want to feel like
I look the part.

I hate myself. If only on the outside.

I have, through the help of a well stocked kitchen, continued to maintain the roly-poly, cellulite-esque, sand baggish figure which I have come to be so comfortably uncomfortable with.

When will this end.

To be original one must first exist. To exist one must believe in themselves. I fail.

Current mood: morose


Things are always harder than they have to be. She's not like all of them, She just won't be a clone. Their conformity drives her crazy, She doesn't feel the need to dress in their snotty clothes, To follow their monotonous rules. She is an original. A star in her own mind. She inspires, if only herself. She flirts with everyone and yet is touched by no one. She is everything she dreams of. When the lights go out. Did you ever have a doubt?

FANGIRL EXTRODINAIRE. SEEKING LEADING MAN AND RIGHT STAGE EXIT.

current mood: dirty


I'm heaven sent. Don't you dare forget me. I am all you never wanted. What all the other girls promised. Sorry I told on them. Sorry I'm bolder than them. I just needed you to know. But remember: I think in decimals and dollars. I am the cause to all your problems. Your shelter from cold. But also your tall tale to never be told.

You say I am so insightful and dramatic. Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out. I wish I knew.

Acronym for skinny. Vanna, may I buy a vowel?

Current mood: full


I'm cold. I shiver. My hair gets in my eyes. I stay up too late. Doing things I don't remember. Writing entries I'll never re-read. Making dreams about my life. I'm not unique. There are thousands of others. No one really gives a damn. They only think they do. Or else they pretend. This life trudges on. The world still goes 'round. People still get on my nerves. Life feeds me its substance. Makes me resemble it. Slippery when wet. Three letter word that describes me.

Lost lessons on life. Reward offered. Please return.

Current mood: crazy


I have been feeling stressed lately. . . Insecure and overworked. Overstretched is more like it.

Maybe I should go back to my therapist.
Maybe I should go back on medication.
Maybe I should go on a major killing spree.
Maybe I should try to relax.
Maybe I should drop out of school.
Maybe I should move to L.A.
Maybe I should get divorced.
Maybe I should cut my hair.
Maybe I should pick up a drug habit.
Maybe I should go on an alcohol binge.
Maybe I should cry.
Or maybe, just maybe I should take a nap.

So… where exactly did I lose those lessons? Maybe they’re in my car.

“quod me nutruit, me destruit”

Current mood: somber ...my brain isn't exactly the safest place to be locked right now...

Nothing matters when I'm thin. Look Within. Imperfect body reflects imperfect person. Lose everything and beauty remains. So much to gain by losing it all. No price is too high. The sky's the limit. Ordinary girl. Ordinary waist. Not good enough . Capable of being exceptional. Made the decision. Not stopping. The pain is necessary. Promising. Reassuring. No deposit, no return. Changed body. Charged life. Charged hearts and heads. Limited only to stars. Scars. Mine’s the second to the right. Long dark night. Slow work. Hard work. Empty. Pure as light. Music. Living is painful. Re-measure. Re-weigh. Try harder. This is a skill. Becoming exceptional.

Saying no to say yes. (Yes to skinnyjeansandjealousstaresandswooningboys.)

Blue skies and summer stars... what else could a little girl dream for?

Current mood: dejected


Can we have meaningless uncontrolled animal sex now?

Oh you would rather me fall for you so you’ll know it’ll for sure still hurt tomorrow?

Oh, okay great!


(some things never change)



*I have a freind who is incredible. She either has horrid taste in men or incredibly bad luck. Either way you know who you are and you deserve so much more!*

“walking high with a face painted perfect” (this is reality through rose tinted glasses)

Current mood: benevolent


Love. a game meant to be played. a phrase so overly clichéd. dominated by cheaters, players, and rule-breakers. three words often said are lies spoken by fakers. an emotion and hormones are the cause.
perfection that brings out our flaws. a wish desired by so many. a drug, addictive and strong. a toy with jagged edges.

seek it. strung along. puppets.

the endings are painful, lessons never to be learned. find another to end with more lies and tears, and another cruelly broken heart.

love is a reason to be treated like dirt.

love is an excuse.

“You are the dream that I can't remember but can't forget.”

Current mood: unconvinced


Love is blind. Lying even as we breath. Teaching children to do what we cannot. They wont and whose to blame. Laugh out loud at the seriousness of it all. Truth equal to a fairy tale. Beauty is a standard that even love obeys. Skin deep and all that jazz. Fashion on Sirens and Fairies. They lead the lie. We rush to conform. Cows charging into the darkest hour. Desperate and pathetic we deceive ourselves until our souls burn and hearts burst.

Natural is filthy and plastic is perfection. This is the truth of our world. Reality will never be enough.